“I feel about Photoshop the way some people feel about abortion. If you don’t swear or threaten them, it’s their job to listen to whatever you have to say. Do you feel that? That’s the feeling of your life getting better right now.
Listen to what I’m about to tell you: They can’t hang up. It’s an opportunity for joy in your life. “We don’t live in a democracy we live in a hypocrisy.” “Do you guys think it’s worse to wear a fedora or kill 15 people?” “To say I’m an overrated troll, when you have never even seen me guard a bridge, is patently unfair.” A year and a half? Is that enough time to get to know someone to know you want to spend the rest of your life with them? I’ve had sweaters for a year and a half and I was like ‘What the fuck was I doing with this sweater?'” “I see people my age getting married to people they’ve known for like a year and a half. “If women ran the world we wouldn’t have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.” But if a guy got up onstage and pulled his dick out, everybody would say, ‘He’s a thinker.’” An optimist is somebody who goes, ‘Hey, maybe something nice will happen.’ Why the fuck would anything nice happen?” That’s what optimistic means, you know? It means stupid. “You’ve got to be optimistic to be single.
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